


You Weren't Supposed To Hear That

by princiere



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Curses, Cute Ending, Love Confessions, Other, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27685063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princiere/pseuds/princiere
Summary: You just wanted to get some things off your chest. Too bad sleep deprivation removes the filter that prevents you from spilling your guts to your crush.[Gender Neutral Reader]
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader
Kudos: 33





	You Weren't Supposed To Hear That

**Author's Note:**

> listen,, I know jack abt haikyuu, I haven't watched a single episode of the anime yet, but..........akaashi _got_ to me yknow? I am obviously not immune to pretty boys, that much has been made clear 😩
> 
> bc I know jack I'm SO sorry if he's ooc,,, I just love him sm so I'm working with what I got okay
> 
> ALSO !! I know I use "×~♡~×" to signal a time skip, but I've now added "×♡×", which is basically a change to the narrative perspective. it'll make more sense once you read it hfjdhkg

Akaashi was a busy man. You knew this. Juggling college and his job as an editor for a magazine company was tough, but he made it work, and you admired him for that. You've always admired him since meeting him in high school.

Hell, you admired him enough that you quickly accepted his offer of becoming his roommate when he finally got an apartment.

...But was it just admiration?

You knew damn well it wasn't. But you decided to keep quiet about your feelings, for his sake and yours. Akaashi already had enough to deal with, so adding a possible relationship on top of everything was sure to cause him to struggle. He didn't deserve more stress trying to manage something he can easily avoid managing in the first place.

Plus...you weren't sure if you could handle the rejection. You never exactly had the strongest sense of self-esteem, so you didn't want to think about how you'd handle him turning you down. You had your own problems, and Akaashi had a tendency to want to make things better – to the point that he neglected himself. So, in an attempt to make things easier on him, you brushed your feelings under the rug. It could at least wait until Akaashi was in an easier environment to bring it up.

But you knew he'd find out eventually. Akaashi was observant, perceptive to a fault, so pretending would only last so long with him.

Though, you didn't think it would end up like _this_.

×~♡~×

It was unbearably late. After tossing and turning in bed for hours, you finally decided to get up and go see if there was something that could take your mind off of...whatever the hell was keeping you up.

Stepping into the living room, you were greeted by the sight of Akaashi seated at the far end of the couch, accompanied only by the nearby lamp and his laptop. He adjusted his glasses – something he had to get after graduating highschool. You remembered how he was initially insecure about them, but learned to adjust thanks to your assurance that they "only heightened his pretty boy-ness".

You cringe remembering that. But it sounded right at the time. And it was too late to back down, so you tried to roll with the punches and make it a little joke between the two of you.

Akaashi spotted you out of the corner of his peripheral vision, and lightly smiled. "Hey _____. Still awake, I see."

"Not by choice." You rub your eye. "What kind of work's got you up so late, Akaashi?"

"I told you, just call me Keiji. I know you get nervous about dropping the formalities, but I promise it's fine. We've been friends for years now." He sat up, adjusting into a more comfortable position. "In regards to what I'm working on, it's just a college assignment that's due tomorrow evening. I'm almost done."

"That's good." You shuffled to sit on the other side of the couch. The two of you were still rather close, however, given how small the piece of furniture was. "Mind if I watch TV?"

"Go ahead. I've been listening to music, anyway." Akaashi points to the earbuds he was wearing.

With that settled, you switch the TV on and shuffle through channels until you find something tolerable to watch. Admittedly, you knew you wouldn't be paying attention to it, due to the man sat next to you, but that didn't need to be made known.

...

The TV volume was low enough that you could hear Akaashi typing away on his laptop. Your gaze occasionally flickered over to him, watching as his fingers moved along the keyboard so swiftly that you had to yank your eyes back towards the TV to prevent your stomach from overflowing with butterflies. His hands always looked so...soft, despite his old hobby.

You thought back to a certain event; it was just another session of volleyball practice. You were a new manager helping with the Fukurodani team – thanks to a certain loud owl that befriended you – despite not knowing much about the sport they played. Akaashi was assisting you in passing out water bottles, and afterwards, you saw him pull out a small bottle.

_"Want some lotion?" He simply asked, holding the bottle out to you after dispensing some for himself._

_"Depends, what's it smell like?" You grabbed the bottle, holding it up to take a whiff._

_He gave you the cheesy name the lotion brand decided to call it. You weren't unfamiliar with the scent, but you haven't tried it out either. "Ooh, nice." You giggled a little, squirting some into your own hand before giving the bottle back. "Thanks."_

It was a forgettable memory, but ever since then you've been fascinated by the scent, and by how soft Akaashi's hands must feel. Sure, it was probably a scented lotion he just picked out on a whim, but to you it became a smell you associated with _him_. It was sharp, but eased your tension with the scent of oak. It was like walking into a bookstore with a coffee shop up front.

Currently, the smell was overwhelming your senses. Akaashi must've liked the scent too, because he's been using it since then, and every time you smell it you're so intensely reminded of him that you have to scold yourself for getting so worked up over a damn scented lotion.

...

You glanced to Akaashi again. What music could he be listening to? You knew he was into music like soft grunge, and he even admitted at one point that lofi was a bit of a guilty pleasure of his. There was a nervous lilt to his tone that indicated he was embarrassed telling you such a thing, so in response you started playing lofi in the apartment when you did chores as a wordless acceptance of his interest.

He shouldn't be ashamed of such a harmless thing.

Your eyes followed along his features, feeling your chest warm at just the sight alone. Geez, how could someone be so pretty without even trying?

"...Akaashi?" It was barely a whisper.

He didn't lift his head, seemingly very focused on his assignment. You weren't surprised.

The lack of response was exactly what you wanted, anyway.

"...Keiji?" You spoke up a little. It almost felt wrong with how _easy_ his given name slipped out your mouth. 

Still no answer. 

You almost forgot you were staring at him.

"... _Fuck_ , you're so pretty." You shakily giggled, looking back to the TV. Were your eyes to blame for the screen becoming so blurry, or was your mind just refusing to process anything past the bright colors? " _Too_ pretty. It feels like I'm suffocating sometimes when you're around. But that's okay. I think I'm starting to be able to handle it, after all these years."

Blame it on sleep deprivation, but now that you'd started talking, you suddenly felt like you couldn't shut up if you tried.

In an attempt to not look insane to him since you were mumbling to seemingly no one, you tugged the collar of your shirt up just enough so that it covered your mouth. The action wasn't suspicious to Akaashi – it was a nervous habit of yours – but right now you were using it to your advantage.

"I wish I wasn't so scared and doubtful of myself, because there's a lot I want to tell you." You began to word-vomit. "Everything you do is so perfect that I sometimes wonder why you asked me to be your roommate. But I don't regret it. Being given the chance to stay so close with you has made me so happy, and it's made me realize something that I should've known from the start."

You quickly glanced to Akaashi to make sure he was still focusing on his laptop. Clutching your shirt collar a little tighter, you took a deep breath, inhaling the laundry detergent Akaashi used on his and your clothes.

"...I love you." The words quietly slipped from between your lips. Another glance, and it seemed Akaashi was still at work. "I love you so much, it drives me insane sometimes. Every time I look at you, I'm flooded with thoughts of holding your hands, hugging you, dancing with you...ki—"

"Are you alright, _____?"

You nearly launched upright with how violently you flinched. Jerking your head over to look at Akaashi, you could feel your blood turning cold as you locked eyes with him. Had he heard you?! "I— Yea, why do you ask?" You sheepishly asked, clearly unconvincing in terms of acting calm.

"You're doing that thing with your shirt when you're nervous."

"...So I was." You acted as if you hadn't consciously done that.

"Is that why you can't sleep?" Akaashi asked. "Did something happen that scared you?"

"No, no, it's fine." You insisted, desperately hoping you weren't shaking enough for him to notice. "Just...jitters, y'know? Mostly just restlessness, I-I guess."

Akaashi clearly still didn't believe you, if the slight furrow of his brow was any indication. But you both knew better than to push it if you were refusing to tell him right away. "Well... I'm here if you want to talk, okay? You don't have to hide from me."

"Mhm, of course." You nodded fervently.

With that... _settled_ , if you could call it that, Akaashi turned back to his laptop. You decided to move off the couch and sit on the floor, your legs tucked under the coffee table. It wasn't much farther away from the editor next to you, but it felt less stress-inducing than sitting on the same couch as him after the near disaster that just occurred.

_He could've heard me... That was too close of a call..._

...

Resting your arms on the table, and your head on your arms, you kept your head turned away from Akaashi as you started word-vomitting again. Despite the near heart attack you just had, it actually only exhausted you further, practically making you unaware that you'd started talking again.

"...I don't know why you put up with me... But I'm glad you do. I'm glad that you apparently see something in me that you like enough to keep me around. I...I see _so_ much in you."

You paused, thinking for a moment. "I keep thinking...about us. I know we don't hug often, but when we do...I have to force myself to make it short because I know I'd get addicted and not wanna let go. That first time you hugged me back in highschool when I was coming down from a panic attack... I honestly thought I was in heaven. I got so scared to hug you back that you thought I didn't want it and apologized, saying you should've asked first, but...you told me it just felt right to do, and my heart hurt so much for the rest of the day. I wanted to do it again, to not screw it up, but I didn't have a good excuse."

You let out a small chuckle. "Is that pathetic of me? To crave so much from you? Especially since you're so busy lately – it almost makes me feel selfish. But...I just love you so much, I can't help it. I wanna help more when you get stressed or upset, but I'm so scared of crossing a line that I'm pretty sure _I_ made so that I wouldn't get so painfully attached to you... And look where that got me. I'm spilling my guts out to you and you can't even hear me doing it."

×♡×

Little did you know, Akaashi _was_ listening.

When you shifted to sit on the floor, he paused his music, just in case you started venting to him. He didn't want you to feel as though he was ignoring you when something was clearly wrong.

But he didn't think it would be something like _this_. And just like being unable to look away from a car crash, Akaashi couldn't bring himself to stop listening when he was clearly not meant to have heard your confession. You were venting, yes, but this was information he could tell you weren't exactly ready to discuss yet. Otherwise you'd actually be saying all this to his face.

Now Akaashi was dealing with a new problem. Should he just keep his mouth shut, or say something? This wasn't something he could just pretend he didn't hear! Especially since...well...

He felt the same.

The only reason he hadn't confessed yet was because he was so busy that he didn't want to give you a half-assed relationship. You didn't deserve that.

But now that he knew of your feelings, despite how he wasn't supposed to... What does he do?

"I wish I was more...eloquent with my words, Keiji."

Shit, you're talking again. Akaashi, unbeknownst to you, had been staring at the back of your head for the past few minutes, so he almost flinched when you spoke up. Carefully, he removed the earbud from his farther ear so he could hear you better.

"I wanna be able to tell you how much I love you, but...it's so difficult. Not because it's hard to think of anything, but because there's so much I wanna say that my brain just gets all fuzzy. I don't even know where to begin."

... _Geez_ , you were adorable. Akaashi felt his cheeks flare up, looking back to his laptop which was threatening to power down from lack of activity.

"Spending all this time with you hasn't been helping either. You make everything you do look pretty, and I don't know whether to be jealous or just...adore you."

Akaashi forced everything in him to not let out a huff of amusement at your comment. He knew of your tendency to call him "pretty boy", but he figured it was just a silly nickname and not something you meant literally.

...Perhaps he was blind to more signs than he thought. Before, he just assumed it was your nature to be so kind yet teasing. And maybe it was.

But then he thought of your social battery. Your anxiety. You'd always hated spending more time than necessary with friends, but...it was like you went out of your way to spend more time with Akaashi once the two of you moved in together. You didn't _have_ to leave your room due to having trouble sleeping and come hang out with him. If the two of you were back in highschool, he would've simply received a text from you complaining about not being able to sleep.

Akaashi felt the warmth in his face spread down his neck and pool in his chest. You...weren't kidding about loving him, were you?

"I thought that maybe moving in with you would've helped, in terms of trying not to fall any more for you than I already had. I...I kinda knew it wouldn't work, but I was still in denial back then. I guess I'm still in denial now, since I'm actively avoiding saying all this to you upfront."

Akaashi stared at the nearly finished assignment in front of him, knowing he now wouldn't be able to complete it tonight. When did his fingers start fidgeting? 

He should just say something, so you wouldn't keep spewing all your feelings and accidentally embarrass yourself any further.

But...he loved what he was hearing. He loved _you_. 

But he wasn't supposed to have heard all of this. Not right now, at least. You obviously weren't ready to come clean to him.

Yet. 

Hopefully.

...

"...I love you...Keiji..."

Akaashi felt as though his heart was about to explode, hearing you say those words again in your half-conscious stupor. Judging by how softly you said it, you were definitely on the verge of passing out, and when the raven-haired boy noticed your breathing even out moments later, he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

...

Then the wave of anxiety flooded his senses.

What...

What was he supposed to do now?!

×~♡~×

Akaashi couldn't think straight after that. How was he supposed to?! His crush of – geez, was it five years now? – confessed to him without even realizing it, how was he supposed to act like everything's fine?!

He tried to compose himself. He really did. He had to think analytically all the time back when he did volleyball. Perhaps he had weakened over these past few years? Regardless, he struggled with keeping himself under control until you returned from work.

At least when he was alone, he didn't have to pretend like nothing was wrong.

"Hey Keiji," You announced from down the hallway, the sound of the front door closing and your footsteps almost deafening to Akaashi's damn near panicked senses. It didn't help that you were clearly comfortable enough to use his given name without any issue.

Akaashi felt his heart race, staring at his laptop. He was sat in the living room again, desperately trying to ignore how cold his hands were despite all their fidgeting since...last night...

The poor editor silently begged that his face didn't look as flushed as it felt.

"Hi," You stepped into the room, flashing him a smile that made his chest tense up. "Any ideas for dinner? Or do you just wanna heat up some ramen?"

Akaashi looked back down to his laptop, realizing it had unfortunately powered down because he'd only been staring at it for five minutes now. His brain had honed in on the fact that it was around the time you'd come home from work, and all hope of finally finishing his assignment went out the window. He was so close, just a conclusion was needed, but—

"I need to clarify something." He suddenly spoke without thinking.

_Guess we're doing this now._

Your smile fell, tilting your head. "Yea, of course, what's up?" You questioned. "Is it another piece for that magazine that you want me to proofread?"

"No, i-it's—" He locked eyes with you, and his mind faltered. "What you said last night... Is it true?"

Akaashi could, for better or for worse, read you like a book. He knew exactly what movements you made depending on how you felt. When you were scared about being confronted, you shifted one foot backwards, as if you were considering making a run for it, and you refused to make eye contact anymore. Just as he suspected, you stared for a moment, before looking down at nothing in particular, moving to tap the front of your shoe against the heel of the other. "...I don't remember saying anything last night. I was just watching TV while you did work."

_Liar._

But Akaashi knew better than to make such an accusation. He needed to make this quick, or you'd push him away and go into isolation in hopes that it'd fix everything.

"After you moved to sit on the floor, I stopped playing my music." Akaashi closed his laptop, standing up and moving towards you. "You said...a lot of things, but what I need to know is if you meant it when you said you loved me."

×♡×

_No, no, he wasn't supposed to hear that, why couldn't I just keep my stupid fucking mouth shut and—_

Your eyes were quick to well up with burning tears, and you desperately tried to curl in on yourself. "I-I don't remember saying anything." You tried to make another excuse. And technically, you weren't lying. Most of last night was...foggy, at best, in your memory. While you do remember going on a tangent as if you were confessing to Akaashi, you couldn't remember everything you said.

"You were half-asleep, so I'm not surprised." Akaashi stepped closer to you. "Can...Can I hug you?"

 _It's just a pity hug_ , you told yourself. _He feels bad that you embarrassed yourself in front of him._

"...Do what you want."

"I want what _you_ want, _____. Do _you_ want me to hug you?"

As much as your body screamed to be in his arms, you shook your head. You felt like you were suffocating, and not in the way you usually were when you were around Akaashi. It was terrifying.

Though, you did make a compromise, holding out your hand for him to grab without any hesitation. It was a technique the two of you made, to help when the other was too panicked to handle the physical stimulation of a hug, but needed _something_ to help ground each other with.

"Okay. That's fine." The boy in front of you muttered. "Can you look at me?"

Hesitantly, reluctantly, you lifted your head and noticed how blurry the familiar gunmetal blue eyes appeared right now. You must've looked like a disaster with all the tears streaming down your cheeks, leaving a burning sting in their trail.

Akaashi frowned, almost as if he was about to cry with you. "Did you mean it? Just tell me that much."

You strained to take in a deep breath, pondering if this was the end of the happy little life you'd created with Akaashi. It wasn't exactly what you wanted, but you were willing to make do if it meant you could still have him in your life. But with your feelings being made known, you felt as though that tension would always stick around, and the tranquility you felt with him for ages now had finally been snuffed out because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut.

You loosened the grip you don't remember developing on Akaashi's hand. This was it.

"...Yes."

"Oh, thank god." Akaashi suddenly acted as if his legs had just given out on him, pulling you into a tight hug in response. "I'm sorry, I know you said you didn't want one earlier, but...I-I was about to collapse, I hope you can forgive me."

...What?

Slowly, you returned the embrace. "I-I don't understand—" You felt like all the air had been sucked out of your lungs. You momentarily wondered if that was your own fault or because Akaashi only knew how to give practical bear hugs thanks to his colleague. "Wh-Why are you—"

"I feel the same."

...

Time felt like it came to a standstill. Your brain instinctively tuned out the TV playing at an already quiet volume, and suddenly, all your mind could think of was the man holding onto you.

Keiji Akaashi...loved you too?

All you could do was hug him tighter, now beginning to let out deep sobs. Your lungs ached from the sudden change of short breaths to gasps for air. "I'm— I'm sorry, I-I'm just...relieved..."

"Me too..." Akaashi gently rubbed your back. "I've been wanting to tell you for so long, but... I wanted to wait, perhaps once I was out of college. I want to give you _all_ of me, not just what's left at the end of the day when I'm exhausted from work. I'm sorry I made you wait so long that you had to spill your guts in the middle of the night."

"I-I can still wait, if that's what you want!" You pulled away just enough to look Akaashi in the eyes, though still keeping a tight grip on his arms. "I'll wait as long as you want me to."

Akaashi let out a little huff, smiling as he leaned his forehead against yours. "While I appreciate the offer, I...I don't think I can hold myself back anymore, now that all the cards are on the table. I'm sure I can make compromises and make just enough time to...spoil the hell out of you, darling."

This felt like a dream. You were grinning so hard that your face was hurting. "I'd like that."

"Good." Akaashi's smile widened, and he moved to gently kiss your forehead. "Come, let's go get you cleaned up, and we can...go out to eat. How does that sound?"

You only responded by pulling the editor back into a tight hug. "I love you, Keiji."

Akaashi chuckled. "I love you too, _____."

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna write a lil bonus scene abt a first kiss or smth but I kept holding it off and I don't want this to become another "wip" even tho it's already technically finished hfjdhgk
> 
> I hope u enjoyed it !! ♡


End file.
